


Confluence

by thisismydesign



Category: Until Dawn
Genre: Amnesia, Fake Marriage, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-22
Updated: 2015-10-22
Packaged: 2018-04-27 13:12:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5049922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisismydesign/pseuds/thisismydesign
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>‘“If I knew that Chris would wake up with no memories then I wouldn’t have said we were married,“ Josh said. He had been backed into a corner of a lie gone so wrong that he knew he couldn’t possibly tell Chris the truth. Not now at least, not when he was the only constant in Chris’ extremely scrambled life.’</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

There wasn’t suppose to be ice on the road– California just didn’t have ice on it’s roads.  At least not in this Southern California where it was almost too hot for it to even rain, let alone freeze patches onto the interstate, regardless how few there were.

That being said, it was no real wonder that Josh had lost control of the vehicle when he went to switch lanes. The traction of the city-specific tires couldn’t grab onto the ice and his lack of knowledge in this kind of driving had caused Josh to slam down on the breaks. He soon saw that it was a bad idea once the car, obviously against his will, made a sharp turn and ended up rolling over.

Everything had happened so quickly that Josh had to take a few moments to piece together the events. Josh was happy to learn that it was miraculous that he had more or less survived the crash with very little injuries sustained. Other than slight whiplash and maybe a bruise here and there, Josh was pretty much alright. He would obviously be sore for a couple days, perhaps even weeks after the crash. Josh remembered insisting that he could have easily been treated on the site but the paramedics had insisted he be brought to the hospital along with Chris.

_ Chris. _

That’s right, Chris was there too. Josh recalled being able to look over at his best friend when they were still back in the car, right after the crash. Josh’s mind had been dazed at that point from shock over the situation, but he could still make out how Chris had been laying there, not moving, with blood trickling down from an open wound on his forehead near his temple.

It was vivid enough of a memory to send Josh into a panicked state. “Chris? Where is Chris?!” he eagerly begged the nurse for an answered. Chris had been with him and Chris had not been fine. Josh dreaded the worst. “You need to tell me what happened to Chris.”

“Sir, sir please calm down,” the nurse tried to soothe him but quickly realized that he was too distressed for that to be likely. Obviously Chris had to be the other man who was in the accident with him. It was against hospital policy to disclose too much information about a patient, so she had to keep her description of the man’s state vague. “He’s in the ICU. The doctors believe he will recover but they want to keep a close eye on him.”

“I need to see him,” Josh demanded.

“I’m afraid only family is allowed to visit patients in that unit.”

Josh didn’t skip a beat when she said that. “ _I’m his husband_ ,” Josh told her. If she had been suspicious of the lie then the nurse didn’t show it, Josh had been that confident in his statement. Josh had sold lie miraculously well considering it was only three words long, and he had been genuinely surprised when the nurse hadn’t asked for any proof that claimed this to be true. Maybe it was just bad security, but Josh wasn’t about to bring that up.

After determining that Josh was stable enough both mentally and physically, she had received the okay from supervisors to bring Josh to go the ICU where he would be able to see Chris. The nurse had explained to a representative in the ICU that Josh had been  there to see Chris Fleiss and that he was Chris’ husband, Joshua Fleiss. No one had asked questions about the legitimacy of that their union in the ICU either, which Josh had been thankful for.

A severe concussion with a few broken and bruised ribs was that the doctor had told Josh about Chris’ state.

His brain had taken a beating, which was why they had made the call to keep an eye on Chris over night at the Intensive Care Unit. Despite that, however, the doctor insisted that the severity of the crash could have easily been a lot worse on both him and Chris’ health and that they were lucky for making it out in the conditions they were in.

Josh didn’t feel lucky, though, not once he saw Chris in the hospital bed. The car had rolled onto passengers side before completely turning over which resulted in Chris getting the blunt of the impact.

There hadn’t been a chair next to the bed for Josh to take a seat on, so instead he sat next to Chris’ legs on the bed, facing his friend. He blonde laid motionless on the bed which only made Josh anxious as his eyes traveled over the wires, IVs, and beeping machines that were all in one way or another hooked up to Chris. The area on his forehead that had been bleeding was covered by gauze but there were still obvious bruises and scrapes that littered the visible skin of Chris’ body.

The doctor had reassured Josh again that Chris would be alright. The doctor had told him this several times by now when he was explaining to Josh the state of his ‘husband’. As relieved as it made Josh to know that a medical professional was able to predict Chris’ recovery, Josh doubted he would be able to be completely convinced of Chris’ alright state until Chris himself told Josh. But it was obvious that Chris wasn’t in any position to be speaking with Josh at the moment, and probably not for a while.

Vaguely, Josh remembered the medical staff that had brought him to Chris as well as the few that were attending to Chris once he arrived. To them he was Chris’ husband and that he should be acting like it, but his mind was too absorbed in the state of his hurt best friend in front of him. It made Josh feel sick when he thought too hard about what the alternative to them surviving the crash could have easily been.

It made his hands shake and his eyes sting that he figured for a moment that he didn’t even have to pretend to be as concerned he was.

Chris was always the one who took care of Josh. It was almost the unspoken lay of the land. Some sort of unofficial rule that Chris had imposed himself upon. Whenever Josh was sick, whether it be physically or mentally, Chris was right there to make sure he got better. It looked like dynamics had taken a drastic turn.

Josh was informed that Chris wouldn’t probably be waking up until the next day. It wasn’t that he was in some form of a coma, the doctors had guaranteed him, but that the impact from the crash had been enough to knocked his husband out. Josh knew that he would sit with Chris until he woke up even if that meant staying up all night with his limp body.

Turns out that it exactly what it meant.

Josh was use to not sleeping, so staying awake through the night wasn’t something that he wasn’t necessarily already accustomed to. When his insomnia kept him awake, it always seemed to go uncomfortably slow. It drove Josh insane when he would stare at the ceiling early into the morning unable to fall asleep. He was use to it. However, time seemed to find a way to go even slower now.

At some point in the night Josh had texted Ashley and Sam telling them about the crash and what had happened to Chris. He reassured them that Chris was going to be okay and he too was fine when they asked about Josh’s own condition. Ashley wanted to come and visit as soon as Chris woke up, but Josh had to tell her that she couldn’t. No friends were allowed in this wing, which eventually lead to Ashley asking the awkward question of how Josh was able to be there.

Ashley scolded Josh when she found out about the lie, but even she had to admit that she preferred Josh to be there when Chris woke up rather than him not. Even if that meant Josh had to illegally fool to the hospital to be there. She was pretty sure that Chris would probably scold Josh about the stupid idea too once he woke up.

The look Chris had given Josh once he finally woke up was one of confusion with a hint of fear. He looked around the room like he didn’t know where he was, and the heart monitor he was hooked up to clearly told Josh how fast his best friend’s heart had been racing.

“Chris!” Josh still said excited, before pushing the button to summon a nurse then hugging his friend excitedly. “God Chris I’m so sorry, I don’t know what happened. I’m so glad you’re okay. Dude, you scared the shit out of me.”

“Where am I?” Chris asked, lightly pushing against Josh to move him away. “Who are you?”

“You’re in the hospital,” Josh told him. He could understand why Chris might be confused where he was. Last thing Chris probably remembered was being in the car with Josh as they jammed out to only the best playlist, driving down the freeway on the way back to Josh’s place. The second question was the one that made Josh a little uneasy.

By then a nurse had responded to the call for assistance and stood watching over the two of them. She was obviously paging someone that Josh could only assume was a doctor, but Josh was too concerned with Chris to really give it much more thought then that.

“Chris, dude, it’s me.”

“I don’t know who you are,” Chris said, his expression no different from the confused one from earlier. His words pierced Josh like a knife and he could only laugh nervously at his friends declaration.

“Chris, Chris it’s me, Josh.”

“You don’t remember your husband, Mr Fleiss?” the nurse asked once she was finished calling for the doctor.

Chris studied Josh’s face, though it was blurry from his lack of glasses. He would have to find those soon. Still, despite not being able to make out every little detail of Josh’s face he was still unable to quite remember anything about his so called husband. A more unhinged expression was easily depicted in his expression. “You’re my _husband_?”

If Chris had woken up his usual self, Chris would have been able to pick up on the social cues that Josh was sending to him to go along with the lie. Unfortunately, Chris didn’t remember enough of Josh to be able to tell what the other man was trying to convey to him in his intense stare. It was something they could easily have played off as no big deal, a simple white lie, but Chris was obviously confused with not only where he was, or who he was, but who Josh was as well.

“Um, of course,” Josh told him. The only confusion and uncertainty was obvious in his voice but Josh was pretty sure that it could easily be played off as distress. Once the other’s were gone Josh could easily just tell Chris that it was an elaborate plan to get them to let him into Chris’ hospital room. Though now that Josh thought about it, that almost sounded a bit creepy if Chris didn’t really know who he was.

It was a form of amnesia, the doctor had explained to the both of them once she arrived and examined Chris.

She told them that at some point during the crash, Chris had hit his head hard enough to sustain an injury that successfully wiped his memory. Chris had no idea who he was with no recollections of his friends or family. As far as Chris knew regarding his identity, the only real thing that was left from before the crash was his husband Josh.

The doctor told Josh that it was something called Retro… _Retrowhatever_ amnesia. Josh didn’t have time to dwell on stupid names of diagnoses when he had more important things to freak out about. His best friend didn’t know he was! More importantly, his best friend didn’t know who he was and his best friend also thought that they were _married_.

Josh had been backed into a corner of a lie gone so wrong that he knew he couldn’t tell Chris the truth. Not now at least, not when he was the only constant in Chris’ extremely scrambled life.

There wasn’t an easy way to tell someone ‘hey, I know you’re super confused about everything that is going on, but let me add to that confusion by telling you that I lied about who I am’.

No. No Josh would keep up the lie until Chris was able to recover his memories on his own. He knew that the Chris Josh knew and loved was still in there, he was just covered up by all the confusion. Once Chris remembered what was going on he would think the situation was funny too. Right?

Nonetheless, Josh had a feeling of foreboding. It was probably smarter to have never lied about this in the first place. Telling Ashley and Sam what he had done would mean he had a hell of a lot of explaining to do. There was no way in hell either of them would approve of this, let alone the rest of their friends, though they probably wouldn’t be quite as up in arms about it.

“This is the worse decision you could have possibly ever had, Josh, and you’ve had some pretty terrible ideas in the past,” Sam scolded him. Her and Ashley had refused to sit idly by once Josh told them that Chris had woken up. This prompted them both to come and visit. Though they knew that Josh would meet them in the lobby if they came.

Which he had done, leaving Chris upstairs much to Josh’s dismay, but he needed to tell the two girls what was going on even if it meant getting nagged at for a stupid little lie. “If I knew that Chris would wake up with no memories then I wouldn’t have said we were married.”

“You have to tell him,” Ashley said somewhere in between firmly and hysterically. “You can’t just lie to him about this.”

“Well I can’t exactly just tell him the truth,” Josh protested. “Imagine if some stranger told you that he lied about being married to you so that he would watch over your unconscious body? That’s pretty freaking creepy. I don’t think even in his right mind Chris would appreciate that very much.”

“Chris isn’t exactly Chris right now,” Sam observed after taking what Josh had just said into consideration. “If he was something like a little white lie wouldn’t be that big of a deal. I’m sure it hasn’t been the first time you guys lied for some sort of benefit or another. We don’t really know what to expect from Chris when he is like this, though…It would almost be cruel to tell him the truth right now.”

They were no medical professionals, probably the furthest from that, but they all were eventually able to agree that Josh would have to play this out until Chris could naturally find out what happened. That way Chris wouldn’t be too distraught but also be able to logically make sense of where Josh was coming from.

Still, Josh knew he had royally fucked up. 


	2. Chapter 2

The situation was shitty and the lie hadn’t been Josh’s best idea, but he was more than willing to keep up the act for as long as he needed to. Josh wasn’t exactly partial to the idea of taking the only form of identity Chris had from him. Not until Chris was more grounded in what was going on or started to recover his memory. Josh couldn’t help but wonder how mad Chris would be will him after all of this or if his best friend, now husband, would even be upset at all.

Of course, he didn’t want to stunt any recovery that Chris was having by forcing fake memories into his head, and truth be told Josh knew very little about the human mind. It frightened him to think that he might be digging the hole deeper. He decided that next meeting he had with Dr Hill he would ask him for advice regarding this. No doubt Dr Hill would also lecture him on his stupid mistake but it was a risk Josh was willing to take.

Meshing his and Chris’ life together was eerily easy. They had already spent most of their time together that it wasn’t difficult to make a marriage believable.

Ashley had begrudgingly made a good point earlier to him and Sam that there was no way Chris would believe they were married if they lived in different apartments, which began the phase of conjoining their households. Josh wanted Chris to move into his place, it was bigger then Chris’ and looked a lot more like something a married couple would own in comparison to Chris’ studio apartment. Sam and Ashley had been helpful in this because while Josh stayed with Chris in the ICU, the two girls went into action gathering pictures off their social media accounts and putting them into nice frames. Every family needed family photos, right?

Chris had stayed in the hospital for a total of five days, though after the second he had been moved from the Intensive Care Unit into a more standard hospital room. All while this happened Josh didn’t leave his side, with the exception of going home once to figure out the car insurance situation as well as smooth over little details regarding their false marriage.

At times Josh even found himself pretty excited about their ‘marriage’. Especially when he had popped over to his apartment and saw how well the girls made it less of his place and more of their place. Photos of them were on the walls from their day trips or much longer bro vacations. The photos didn’t demonstrate anything romantic between the two, but they looked so happy and relaxed in them that it wouldn’t be hard for someone to think that there was.

He was secretly happy that Chris had given Josh the spare key to his apartment months ago, which made getting Chris’ things a lot easier from his place. Josh couldn’t help but admit that Chris’ clothes looked satisfyingly nice next to his own in the closet and drawers. The girls had even cleaned the apartment, which made it a lot more believable that Chris lived there since he was a much more neat person in comparison.

Josh had even purchased rings. They weren’t anything extravagant or expensive. There was no way he was actually going to spend a lot of money on something that would be taken off after everything was back to normal, but they still looked nice and authentic.

Often, Josh felt guilty for lying to his best friend about this. He had to keep convincing himself that this was the right thing to do. That he had made this bed so now he had to lay in it. Besides, the little act felt a lot more justified in collation to the alternative, which was telling Chris the truth. It seemed cruel to rip away the only anchor Chris had to this new world of his. Even if that anchor was a lie.

“Whoa, we live here?” Chris asked once he had first seen ‘their’ apartment. Coming from a wealthy family had it’s perks, particularly when it meant getting an upscale apartment in the heart of business sector Los Angeles. The place was nice, the view was nice, the quality of appliances was nice, and it was obvious that Chris was impressed with whatever life he and Josh had before he lost his memory.

“Um, yeah,” Josh said. “This is our humble abode.”

“Yeah, humble,” Chris said looking out of the window at the city beneath them.

Chris had grown more comfortable with being around Josh lately, even though it was still obvious that he was rather skittish in general. When he had been moved to a more accessible area of the hospital, Ashely and Sam had come to visit him and see for themselves the condition of their friend. This had automatically made Chris uncomfortable, but having Josh near him did relieve some of the tension of meeting these knew people.

Chris looked at Josh with relief when things were overwhelming or his mind felt particularly scattered, it was obvious that Chris was able to find ease and comfort in his husband. It made the already tight feeling in Josh’s chest even tighter.

“What do we do?” Chris asked.

“Do?”

“You know for work?”

“Oooh, we’ll we both work for an internet news media company,” Josh told him. It was one of the few things Josh had been able to Chris that wasn’t a lie. After graduating college they were able to land themselves positions at the same company, which only solidified their friendship even better. “You’re a programmer and I’m a producer, it’s a really cool job, but we’re both on leave right now because of the accident.”

“The doctor’s said that routine would be the best way for me to start getting my memory back,” Chris told Josh as he began to look at the pictures that were hung up on the walls. They both looked happy in all the images that made Chris feel a mix of psotivie emotions, but also uncomfortable ones because he couldn’t recall any of it.

Josh couldn’t help but laugh. “Dude you have broken ribs. You can hardly walk around for more then twenty minutes. I think it’ll be okay to take it easy for a little while before we get back to work. Besides, you have other routines that might be able to jog some memories for you and when you’re comfortable enough we can even meet the rest of our friends.”

Chris nodded only half listening to Josh’s statement as he looked around the apartment. He took his time memorizing every little detail as he desperately he tried to remember the place that had been previously his home. He looked among the books and tried to call to mind which were his and which were Josh’s. He couldn’t recall any details about himself or his husband, which gave Chris a sinking feeling his stomach. Which one of them owned the joke book? Who liked video games? Was it him or Josh who can accumulated their vast DVD collection.

“Oh! I um, almost forgot,” Josh said, taking the fake wedding ring he had got for Chris and handed it to the blonde who examined it then put it on his ring finger. Eventually this whole thing would blow over and it wouldn’t be a big deal anymore, but Josh knew he would feel guilty about it for the rest of his mortal life.

“Thanks,” Chris said hollowly while he continued to look at the little band of metal around his finger. Josh had to look away in order to avoid Chris’ helpless expression.

Instead Josh decided to retreat to the kitchen, it was late and neither of them had eaten. “Are you hungry? I can make us something. We should both probably eat.”

“Uh, yeah. Yeah I could eat,” Chris replied from where he stood in the living room.

Dinner had been awkwardly silent and when they both did speak it had been uncomfortable and forced. This was not something Josh usually had a hard time with. Conversation between the two of them had always flowed so effortlessly but with Chris not knowing anything about them or their life they both were at a bit of a stand still as to what to talk about.

“It’s Christopher, right?” Chris had asked him while they were cleaning up after dinner. “My name, I mean?”

“Yup, but you usually just go by Chris. No one but your parents really call you Christopher,” Josh told him.

“Do my parents and I talk?” Chris asked. “Like do we have a good relationship?”

“Yeah, you guys talk sometimes. They live a couple hours south of us,” Josh told him. Chris’ parents would no doubt blow the lie if they had known it was happening, but Josh wasn’t going to keep them away. Calling them and telling them what had happened to Chris had completely slipped his mind, similarly to how he hadn’t called or told his own family about the accident either. He made a mental note to say something soon. “Want to call them?”

“I... No, I don’t really want to talk to them right now,” Chris said, implying that he didn’t think he was in the best state to speaking with people as important to his identity as his parents were. Not remembering his own spouse was difficult enough, let alone his other immediate relatives.

Josh didn’t push for anymore conversation, he was good enough at reading people that he knew when someone was upset or an uneasy, and Chris seemed to be both. Chris seemed to be both a lot these days, actually.

“What about us?” Chris asked. Josh had glanced over at Chris and realized that the other man didn’t look what so uncomfortable now. Instead he looked something between a cross of embarrassed and sad. “I’m trying to remember how we met, but I keep drawing blanks. I’ve been trying to remember anything about you. I just can’t seem to--”

“School,” Josh said cutting Chris off. It hurt too badly to know that Chris couldn’t remember anything at him and it made Josh feel guilty knowing that Chris was trying to remember memories that weren’t even there. Though, in a way, Josh figured that they had always been there, but not in that context. “Like third grade or something, we got moved in class and ended up sitting there. The rest is history.”

Chris laughed at how cheesy it sounded. “What, love at first sight then?”

“Ha, hardly,” Josh smiled. It was the first time Josh had heard Chris laugh in nearly a week and seeing genuine happiness of his best friend’s face was wonderful. Josh didn’t realize how much he missed Chris’ smile until he saw it again. “We were partners in crime for a long time. Got in all sorts of trouble.”

“When did we fall in love?” Chris asked, leaning his back against the counter. He hadn’t meant to be looking at Chris so intently, but he couldn’t help it. Chris was genuinely interested. “If it wasn’t love at first sight then obviously I had to woo you at some point.”

“When did we fall in love?” Josh asked Chris back. It was a good question. When did they fall in love? Their friendship had been purely platonic for the entire duration of it. Sure Josh had thought about what it would be like to date Chris, but not in a way that was any different to how he wondered what it would be like to date Sam or Mike. He didn’t really have an answer for it, they had just always been close. “It just, um, sort of happened naturally. I don’t think we knew we were... in love at first.”

Shit. Why was he building this up so much? Josh knew he needed to keep it subtle but the details had all just come out of no where. The more elaborate he let this get the worse the situation would be later, Josh knew.

“How long have we been married?” was Chris’ next question. It was only natural Chris was interested about the details of their marriage.

“About five months,” Josh said, wracking his brain for a specific date without lagging in the conversation too much. He just need a date, and date would do. “November 7th. Yeah... November.”

Chris shrugged accepting the date with no further questions. He stepped away from the counter and continued to help with the dishes until there hadn’t been anymore and the kitchen was back to the pristine state the girls had left it in.

It was still quite a few hours before Chris would usually turn in, but he still insisted that he wanted sleep. Josh couldn’t blame him, with his injuries the day had been physically tasking of his friend, and with adapting to his new old life, it had probably been mentally tasking as well. Originally, Josh said that he was fine with taking the couch but Chris insisted that they should sleep in the same bed-- it was the a thing that married couples did, after all.

Josh couldn’t help but feel lonely as Chris slept beside him, being unable to sleep himself. Sharing a bed with Chris hadn’t been weird or uncomfortable for Josh, though Chris did appear to be tense laying next to him before he drifted off. It wasn’t the first time they shared a bed before, but to Chris, Josh was still practically a stranger. Josh did notice how Chris seemed to naturally gravitate to the side he usually took when he would spend the night in the past.

Usually they cuddled. In a totally bro way, of course. Josh had always been a cuddler and Chris had a way of just attaching himself to Josh at night. While it wasn’t really something that was talked about, it was something neither of them seemed to mind. Josh knew he enjoyed it.

Tonight didn’t seem to be much different. Whether it was conscious or not, Josh had end up with Chris’ arms wrapped around him, with one of his own slung over Chris’ waist. Maybe it was a bad idea, Josh distantly thought, but the warmth of Chris’ body had always been the best sleep aid, and it hadn’t taken long for Josh to drift off as well.

It was Josh’s phone that woke him up with the ring from his alarm. Josh flung his arm behind him and turned the alarm off. He’d completely forgot that he would be seeing Dr Hill today, and only in a couple of hours at that. It wasn’t something that he had ever really looked forward to, but it would give Josh an opportunity to talk to him about Chris’ condition.

_Oh, that’s right._

His thoughts were once again back on Chris as he yawned and allowed himself to adjust to the morning light coming in from the outside. That was when Josh had become acutely aware of what was happening. Chris was still wrapped around him for the most part and the blondes thigh was wedge between Josh’s own, pressing up against Josh’s--

_Oh._

Josh wasn’t sure whether it make him more comfortable or uncomfortable that Chris was sporting an equally as hard erection. The other man wasn’t nearly as awake as Josh was. It it wasn’t for the quiet, sleepy noise Chris made indicating he was waking up, Josh wouldn’t have even know that Chris wasn’t still asleep in the first place. Awake or asleep, however, didn’t change how Chris’ thigh was rubbing against Josh’s cock.

It was obvious when Chris began to come to as well because the slight rocking, despite however pleasant it had been, came to an abrupt stop. Josh was too nervous to look Chris in the eyes, but he knew that he had to. After all Josh hadn’t done anything and technically speaking, Chris had pretty too out of it to really know what was going on until he completely knew what was going on. The graze between then last for several awkwardly silent seconds.

Chris had been the first to pull away, rolling back onto his side of the bed, and sitting up. His ears were burning red and it was obvious how embarrassed Chris was about the situation. Josh couldn’t blame him. For someone as laid back and nonchalant as Josh tried to be, he too was pretty embarrassed with what was just happening.

“Sorry, sorry,” Josh was the one to apologize, which threw Chris off.

“Why are you...?” Chris asked, trying to hide how confused he was. It had been him who was stimulating Josh, not the other way around. It should be Chris who was apologizing. “It’s okay... It’s.... Not something completely unusual for married couples to do. Sorry for that, though... Not sure I’m really to go down that road yet.”

“No, no yeah absolutely,” Josh tried to reassure him. There weren’t any implications that demanded that him and Chris needed to be doing that. Not not, and not ever. It was only a matter of time until Chris got his memory back, Josh could only hope that Chris would continue not being ready to go down that road until then.

“You hungry?” Josh asked Chris deciding to change the subject as he got out of bed. He went over the the closet and opened it. “You’re clothes are on the right side. Bathroom’s through that door, though I’m sure you already figured that. I’ll go make something to eat.”

Josh was really starting to wish that he had slept on the couch last night and avoided that whole situation. Once he was in the safety of the kitchen he checked his phone to see what time his appointment with Dr Hill was. What an inconvenient day to go and talk about his feelings. Josh would easily lie and say that he is doing fine, that the crash didn’t affect him, that he had been taking his medication like he should be. Which reminded him that he needed to take today’s dose.

He went to the medicine cabinet and took down the pill organizer. He hated this daily ritual but he was really trying his best to keep on track with his treatment. Josh stood there quiet for a moment to see if Chris would be coming down the hall anytime soon. Telling Chris before about his illness had been difficult enough in the past, and Josh was pretty sure he didn’t want to go through telling Chris again.

Maybe Josh hadn’t paid enough attention because when he turned around from the refrigerator after getting a glass of water he was greeted by Chris standing in the kitchen alone. He had come to apologize again to Josh, feeling that the awkward still hadn’t quite subsided and that there may be more they needed to talk about. His eyes here side tracked, however, when they saw the little pile of medication on the counter.

“Because of the crash?” Chris asked. Josh hadn’t looked as banged up as Chris and his memory had obviously been intact, but Chris hadn’t actually asked Josh about the full extent of his wounds, he realized. Anything could be wrong with Josh and he would have no idea. Chris felt a pang of guilt after realizing he hadn’t shown the same amount of concern for his husband, that his husband had shown for him.

This was exactly the sort of situation what Josh was trying to avoid. Josh considered briefly if he would be able to get away with lying to Chris about this. But, Chris had accepted it before this happened, there was a chance he would accept it now too.

“Um, no, not quite,” Josh said honestly. It was obvious the tension from earlier had switched gears and was not transforming into tension over the little pile of pills. “I have... This thing... about me that I take medication to control. My mood and thoughts and that sort of thing...” Josh was hoping he would be able to be vague about this.

His memory may have been lost, but Chris wasn’t naive to what that meant. He just nodded and shrugged. “No biggie, glad you aren’t hurt from the crash. You are...Okay, though right?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine,” Josh assured Chris, not too positive what aspect Chris was referring to but agreeing that he was doing alright was probably the best way out of this. “I have a doctor’s appointment later today, I should probably let you know that I won’t be here for a couple of hours.”

“Okay that’s fine. Do you want me to come with you?” Chris asked. That was something a married couple did, right? Go to appointments with each other. Maybe it wasn’t, Chris wasn’t entirely sure. As far as he knew he had never been married before and he still wasn’t quite clear on which aspects of each other’s lives there were boundaries around or if there were even boundaries at all.

“No, no it’s cool I got this, dude,” Josh said, knowing that it would only end up being awkward if Chris ended up going. Even more so if Chris ended up sitting in the office with him. “I’ll only be gone for a little while.”

Chris nodded again and they both stood in the kitchen silently for what felt like forever. Eventually, Chris moved closer to Josh and pressed a firm, testing kiss on the other man’s lips.


End file.
